So I sat there thinking of what I could title this, but I had nothing. Nothing seemed…. right. About half an hour ago I got a phone call I didn’t think would come for a few days more. A phone call that I hoped I wouldn’t get until I had been able to say my peace. It seems that I didn’t need to, but I see it as I didn’t get the chance to.
My Granpa died this morning. He meant….. So Much to me. My father left me when I was a baby an my Grandpa stood in for that, willingly and with Great intensity that I will never forget. I was his Shadow even when I was 4 years old. I was taught how to put the new wood floor in in the sunroom, I was taught at 6 how to hammer the frame for the new garage. I was taught how to work the riding lawn mower, and GREAT privilege that not even my mom knew, when I was little. I as the only one allowed in the kitchen to help with the food and to learn his secrets. I as the first he talked to about his time in the Korean war.
I didn’t get that chance to say what he meant to me to him alone, but he knew. I was fortunate enough to get the chance to tell him before is health got really bad.
He knew so many people and he remembered ALL of them. I’m actually quite not religious, but I can say that I was blessed by every cosmic force (even the Universe) to have had him as a Grandfather.
I don’t have the time, or even enough words that mean enough, to say how much of a Great man that he was, or how much he meant to me, and to my family. I just don’t think that’s possible. But know that my heart will never be the same.
My only regret is that he won’t be there to walk me down the aisle whenever I get married. Or see my first child. Those were the only things I wanted. But I know he’ll be there.